Middle Management - Quantum Management

If you O3 a micro-manager, you get into the special level of Quantum-management. Take a look at this cool article on Micro Management . I particularly am bemused by the concept of WIIFM - What's In It For Me?

You see, in the O3 environment, we have 3 top level staff that own the company. In owning the company, they are either (1) a detail-loving beaver, or (2) a do-this-now tiger, or (3) a forge-ahead-asap bear. We have all three here and they a distinct entities yet being of the same family, I guess, one and the same.

Today I shall focus on the do-this-now tiger. The tiger is obsessed with solving problems here and now. No need to take half a day to think about it, solve it now, preferable within 30 seconds or less. Once there's a solution available, do not waste time to consider any other possibilities. Simply do-it-now and go and solve it. If that does not solve it, you must be lousy. The tiger will implement a different solution off the top of its head and you'll have to try again. Nevermind if others who are affected are unaware. Don't waste time. Just do it. So instructions are flying out of the tiger's office and if the tiger forgets, it must be forgiven for it has too much work to it. Quantum management in effect.

WIIFM is the cascading domino effect of the tiger's style. The poor engineer who receives his instant and likely to change instructions, starts wondering...WIIFM? Usually the answer is "a waste of time". Anyone have had such WIIFM experiences? Please share by commenting. I'd love to know that I am not the sole survivor of this environment.

Dynamic Management

Dynamic Management - The O3 Way

Let me teach you about the tricks of dynamic management, the O3 way.

1) Keep changing all policies, from HR and payroll, to procurement forms and paper work required.

2) Give little to no notice of the changes. This will keep everyone on their toes and hopping about.

3) Fine those that do not follow regardless of whether they know about the change(s). Again, repeat hopping action.

4) Should employees request information or direction, look busy shuffling the mountains of paper on your table and ask "is it urgent?" or "so what's the next step?". Do not forget to change your mind a few hours to a few days later without informing the employee. *hop hop*

5) Spy on the workers through the glass office and walk around rearranging their "stuff" on the talbe regardless of whether you know what it is for. Better yet, just recycle it. You'll be doing the earth a favour, nevermind the employee's silent wails in the background.

The above will instill a sense of constant change in a business, which I'm told means:

a) better understanding of business goals,

b) faster uncertainty management of business goals,

c) flexibility in to contracts (yeah!),

d) accelerated communication amongst the staff.

*I know nothing stays the same....But if you're willing to play the game....It will be coming around again....*

Karoshi Explained

Karoshi in Japanese means to die of overwork. This strange phenomena was first sighted in Japan in 1969 and has continued to plague Japan in the 1980s so much so that the ministry of labour had to take some concrete actions. While the Japanese government has wisely taken several remedies including reducing the amount of bullshit in the Japanese work environment such as tossing rice at collegues faces while they are taking a shit. The world at large is blissfully unempathetic.

Karoshi is treated, in other parts of the world, as if it were some occult science like UFOs. But I do propose that the Karoshi is coming with no more scientific analysis than than to state that the amount of work is infinite, the cases of office bullshit (OB) is increasing, and the fact that spontaneous combustion is actually real.

So in true testament to occupation science, I will (with your help) chart all occurances of OB as well as other forms of Karoshi hazards. Maybe by being in the front line reporting and experiencing Karoshi, a stray bullet might find me and someday this blogger will stop blogging.

Overtime

Overtime. Let me teach you the O3 way of gaining as much OT for free from your staff.

Technique 1: Pay for no overtime = Free labour.
Technique 2: 5 mins before the end of work, call the staff into your office to discuss some minute matter. Call more staff in for the same purpose at the same time. With such a large number of people in your office, by the time you are done and they leave together, it will be a good 30 mins after work.
Technique 3: Fine staff for arriving to work late. Use a punch card to monitor these times regardless of whether they are paid by the hour.
Technique 4: For staff to avoid further fines, they must work 3 times the duration they were late for.
Technique 5: Stare at staff who leave on time disapprovingly as they walk past your office.
Technique 6: Force staff to stay back by the sheer amount of work they have to do - usually 2 person's job.

By following the above, you get:
free overtime from staff = free labour and savings for the company. (c.f. a penny saved is a penny earned)

Welcome to Karoshi Cube

We want to welcome you to Karoshi Cube, a blog about the often frustrating practices of our managers, and our peers in the modern office environment. We? Yes, we are three (this will be the only entry written by all 3 of us). Let us introduce ourselves.

I am The Coconut. I am a consultant for internet technologies. I've worked in a multinational company of thousands, a local company of 10, and I currently work for myself.

I am LJ. I am an engineer. At least I think so. The O3 environment has made me doubt my qualifications though. I am a human being...perhaps.

I am Blind Dog. I am an engineer for an MNC all my life. Blind dogs don't climb trees or corporate ladders, so my name appears at the bottom of every org chart. But, hey! Who's complaining? I'm a manager, I manage my sanity.

Why another blog? We're all rather amused by how a bunch of individuals, when put together, asked to achieve a common goal by working together, with a structure of leadership created around them, function. Throw in the fact that resources (for example promotions) are limited, and there's a very strange atmosphere of cooperation and manoeuvring which is affectionately known as Office Politics. Now the leaders of this mishmash of conflicting interests have found out that these interests often hinder the achievement of the common goal, and thus have created rather odd rules, known to the mishmash as Policies, to help align these interests. The result is a weird and funny behaviour by all parties.

This blog explores these behaviours.

Call it a pschology experiment. In order for this experiment to work, we need EVERYONE's participation. Please contribute. The larger the sample population, the more accurate our discussions will be.

Which leaves only one question. What IS a Karoshi Cube? We'll leave that to our resident business and management expert Blind Dog to explain that. We expect it'll be a future blog entry. We expect it to be rather disappointing.

Yes, No, Stay, Go

Here's a concept. If you don't want someone, boot them out the door. Leave a fine reminder in terms of a footprint deeply imprinted on their behinds. This will humiliate them and utterly destroy any goodwill you may have with them. BUT the good thing is, you will have saved the company many days of potentially wasted salary on this useless individual. Thereafter, should you actually find that you might need it as an after effect, you can always bring them back in, offer them a second chance to return to the O3 environment. Make it their fault for leaving in the first place and place your generosity as the reason why they are offered this precious second chance.

On the other hand....should the someone voluntarily want to leave in the first place, look displeased and reject this ridiculous idea. Make him stay longer than he want to by pricking his conscience that there's no one to take over his job duties. This is likely to cause this individual to stay back at least twice his notice period.

Viola! New HR tactics to save money and reduce the need to find new staff.

*Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career*

A penny saved is a penny earned

This day was a parody of sorts. Think of it as a moment of total recall mixed in with thoughts of beautiful flowers blooming in the midst of large splattering raindrops. Its just something that's impossible to understand. You try it:

The management motto has moved in the financial direction once again - "A penny saved is a penny earned." Ok. So not very investment-sounding right? But the motto is explained to be applying only to all the lowly staff. Senior management is exempt.

Doesn't sound like a big deal? Let me further expound - staff are urged to not take the taxi when possible. Please take the cheaper forms of public transport. The ones that do not give receipts for claims- buses and trains. Next, staff are booked hostel rooms in the red light district (its even cheaper) when lodging in expensive european countries while senior management stays at a 5-star hotel. Next, staff are required to utilize international calling cards when making overseas calls. Senior management spends more than $10000 per month on the phone making international calls direct.

So here's the solution to saving what is even more important, the staff's own pennies. Why take the bus or train? Walk and please do it barefoot. Your shoe soles will wear out and it costs money to replace/ repair. Save the hostel lodging money (only if you can keep the dough in your pocket, else it defeats the purpose) by sleeping on the streets and begging. Earning in euros is good money. Sell the minutes on your international calling card to people on eBay. See? Its the little actions that will slowly put the dough where it belongs. The people.

*I saved money by eating at a hawker center today* - The Big Boss

The O3 Environment

Working in the O3 (to be read as Oh-Cube) environment teaches engineers, sales staff, marketing staff, IT staff and all that stuff the anti-management rules. Hi, I am here to impart the lessons I have learnt and observed on anti-management styles while working in the O3 environment.

An introduction to the O3 environment
O3's are usually businesses run by and within the family. Kind of like the godfather clans, it is tough to break into unless one shows incredible loyalty, works hard and is able to withstand gangster like slurs and actions. In similar fashion, the only other way to gain favour from the godfather is to have some kind of relation to one of the family members.

So stay tuned to learn about how O3s work, and all the things NOT to do if you want your business to succeed without killing, destroying and suffocating your labour force.

*You can age faster than a firefly, lose your sense of decency and burden your heart and soul, all simply by working in an O3* - Karl (fired twice, rehired twice, resigned forever)

Experiment: Work

How much of our lives are spent in a stasis? Doing mundane activities that somebody else would use as part of a more mundane activity. Fortunately, there is such a thing as karoshi meaning "death from overwork". It is not exactly a global killer... but its getting there.

I plan to keep a log of all my experiences and encounters and categorize them like Darwin in Galapagos. Maybe we can find the same creatures in our different environments, for those of you who have not started working this would be a useful introduction "Wk1001: Introduction To Work".

Please leave your comments, I would love to know if we have similar sightings!